It isn't that motherhood scares me or the costs baffle me. It's not even the DH freaking out and looking lost at the mere thought. It's just scary that what we practice as a matter of routine may turn out to be unnecessary, because it may be that I am infertile, and that is the scariest thought of them all. Am I ready to acknowledge this? Hell no. Most of the time I join my husband in shunting off 'well meaning' family members who are convinced it is high time we go forth and populate the world. Most of the time, we agree that we're happy just to be with each other- and the new puppy. Mostly, I so agree with him that we'll wait till he's ready.
What if its too late by then? that's the fear i have to squish because voicing it will upset him so.
And it scares me, because I know how flawed I am. How difficult conception and pregnancy would be. It frightens me that I am not in control of my own body.
What if it's too late?
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